(SP) – The governing body for international soccer has ordered a full investigation into the actual birthplace of soccer phenom Christian Pulisic in light of growing doubts he could actually be American.
“There have been whispers for a long time and they just continue to grow, so it’s time to take a look,” FIFA president Gianni Infantino said today, confirming the launch of the Pulisic investigation. “Obviously, it all seems very suspicious on its face, an American man being legitimately good at soccer. But we will let the facts lead to the actual truth.”
Despite being just 18 years of age, the supposedly Hershey, Pennsylvania-born Pulisic has been an offensive force for the U.S. national team and, more impressively, earned a spot on a legitimate European club: Borussia Dortmund of the German Bundesliga.
“Look, if this young man was playing well in the MFL or whatever they call the American football association, no one here would bat an eye because no one in Europe watches or cares about their terrible league,” said Infantino. “But to do the things he’s doing over here, well … there are lots of red flags. How would his game possibly have gotten to this level if he grew up playing against fellow Americans? There’s no way.”
Pulisic claims he has provided the necessary documentation, from his birth certificate to his social security number and passport, at every step of his soccer career, but says he will cooperate with the FIFA inquiry.
“Even more suspicious,” Infantino said. “An American willingly participating with an investigation by an international body and recognizing the authority of a non-American body to conduct such an investigation? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Outrageous. He’s like no American I’ve ever heard of, I’ll tell you that.”
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