(SP) – With the Chicago Blackhawks getting swept out of the Stanley Cup playoffs in the first round by the lowest seed in their bracket, teammates of the sporting world’s greatest leader assume they are being taught some lesson they don’t yet understand about total, abject failure.
“I don’t know why Jonathan Toews led us to one of the most embarrassing first round exits in modern NHL history,” said teammate Patrick Kane. “But there’s got to be a good reason. The only other explanation is that we are a hugely overrated hockey team, and that just can’t be true. We’re captained by Jonathan Toews, after all.”
Nashville Predators players admit they grew suspicious as they easily dominated the Blackhawks in every facet throughout the series.
“We obviously didn’t expect to win the series,” said Predators goalie Pekka Rinne, “on account of them being led by Jonathan Toews. We just planned to be honored to share the ice with them for four consecutive defeats. But then it was so easy to beat them, we began suspect we were part of some bigger life lesson Toews was teaching us all. Whatever it is, it must be amazing. But also very confusing.”
Blackhawks head coach Joel Quennville said he also doesn’t know what Toews is teaching the team.
“I wish I was clued in on it, because we looked like shit out there,” said the coach. “But I follow his lead around here.”
Toews confirmed after Chicago was swept that he was indeed playing the long leadership game.
“Yeah, yeah … this was all planned,” said the captain. “I have a bigger point with all of this. Two points, in fact. Just like I had in the whole series.”