The 10 Most Amazing Aspects of the New XFL

1. All tackles that are not helmet-to-helmet result in immediate ejection from the game.

2. He Hate Me is now named He Mid-Level Assistant Coach.

3. When someone catches the football it will count as a catch.

4. Players who kneel for the anthem will be hit in the back of the head by a metal chair.

5. Also, the anthem is “Welcome to the Jungle.”

6. Every drives that picks up more than one 1st down will be accompanied by this GIF on the stadium Jumbotron.

7. You want Tommy Maddox? You got Tommy Maddox.

8. The actual football will be slightly less shitty than it was before.

9. Johnny Manziel has promised not to do meth on game days.

10. The MVP of each season’s XFL title game is given a cabinet position of his choosing.