JUPITER, FL — Professional golfer Tiger Woods announced today that he will go by his given name of Eldrick Woods until further notice.
“I’m working on a lot of things, both in golf and in my life,” Woods said in a statement released today after his arrest for DUI. “I don’t feel that I am currently achieving at the level one must to go by the name ‘Tiger.’ I very much feel like an Eldrick these days. Very Eldrick. Until I stop being an Eldrick, I will not be Tiger.”
Woods life and career has gone off the rails since an incident over Thanksgiving of 2009 in which he crashed his car in his neighborhood and had the vehicle attacked by his then-wife over reports of extramarital affairs. As his marriage fell apart, so did Woods’ back and he has not won a major since 2008 — falling off his pace to surpass Jack Nicklaus’ all-time record.
“If I win another major or two, I will consider being Tiger Woods again,” said the golfer. “But right now I’m a divorced, bald guy with a bad back who just got a DUI. I am not Tiger Woods. I’m just another screw up who lives in Florida. Hell, I barely feel like an Eldrick, to be honest. I feel like my name should be something like Gary or Steve. Steve Woods. I have the life of a Steve Woods.”
Eldrick “Steve” Woods says he still hopes to play in a PGA event by the end of this season.