LOS ANGELES — The City of Los Angeles is weighing its options to relocate to a new area of the country in light of another subpar NFL franchise being foisted upon it.
Mayor Eric Garcetti confirmed today that the city is weighing offers from a remote area in Nevada, southern Saskatchewan, as well as looking into the feasibility of triggering a massive earthquake that would allow Los Angeles to break off from mainland North America and float out to sea before the 2017 football season begins.
“One bad team was one thing,” said the mayor. “This city can withstand that. But two is simply unacceptable. It’s a quality of life thing, and I owe it to all Angelenos to see what options are out there.”
Garcetti and other Los Angeles officials are said to be in favor of the earthquake option, which could allow the city to remain entirely intact, avoid the Rams and Chargers, and get away from the rest of the country during a time when the city’s values and lifestyle are divergent with incoming United States’ leadership. Whereas a move to Nevada or Saskatchewan would require all building and landmarks not able to be placed on a flatbed truck to be left behind.
Los Angeles will decide on its future in the days after this year’s NFL Draft concludes.
“If, for example, the Rams take someone like Jared Goff again, we’re gone,” said Garcetti. “There would be no reason to stay.”