TAMPA – Buccaneers backup quarterback Mike Glennon has suddenly emerged as the hot name on the NFL free agency market as several teams desperately scramble to find a starter for next season and beyond. One report says Glennon will likely earn a contract worth $14 to $15 million per year, a very high figure for a player known to have nut allergies and a post-nasal drip that he can never seem to shake.
“With the scarcity of quarterbacks available, no one on the market is going to be perfect,” said the GM of one team courting Glennon. “Would it be a hassle to make sure the dining facility is nut-free and to always hear Mike blowing his schnozz and talking through a stuffed-up nose? Sure. But if he can complete 55% of his passes, I think that’s a trade-off we’re probably willing to take.”
Glennon was a 3rd Round pick out of NC State in 2013, but his stock was impacted over concerns about whether he could withstand sustained sunlight without breaking out in hives.
“I think I’ve put those concerns to rest with the help of limiting my exposure, 100 SPF and always practicing during the day with a special umbrella affixed to the top of my helmet,” Glennon said today. “Now I want to prove to a team that my nut allergies and runny nose won’t prevent me from producing on the field either.”
Other teams say they are not concerned about Glennon’s allergies and sinus drainage problems.
“I don’t think the Patriots would care if Tom Brady was lactose intolerant or whatever because he’s a great quarterback,” said an NFC South GM. “My issue with Glennon is that he’s not, you know, that good at football. But thankfully we’re set at the position so we don’t have to go through the process of trying to convince ourselves to sign Mike Glennon.”