(SP) – New Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins said today that he feels “immensely blessed and fortunate” to have finally received a long-term, big money deal in the NFL.
“This has been a race against the clock now for several years,” said a visibly relieved Cousins after officially signing a three-year, $84 million contract with the Vikings, all of it fully guaranteed. “Every season I played on a one-year deal brought with it increased risk that everything would come crashing down around me and the league would remember that I’m just Kirk Cousins. Fortunately, and by the grace of God, I was able to fool everyone just long enough.”
Continued Cousins over Vikings GM Rick Spielman’s attempts to cut him off: “And ending up here with the Vikings just shows that the Lord works in mysterious and amazing ways. Think about it: last year they had a quarterback in Case Keenum, right, who was the same age as me, but had better numbers across the board and led them deep into the playoffs. Yet they let him go and may me DOUBLE what they could’ve had him for. And he knows their offense! I’m starting from scratch. It’s just crazy. Thank you, Jesus, is all I can say. I’m so blessed.”
Spielman then signaled to a staffer to cut Cousins’ microphone, which went out after the team’s new quarterback added one more thing: “I want to be a Viking for life. But I really doubt they’ll want to keep me beyond these three years. I’m pretty certain they’re going to regret this deal big-time.”