CHICAGO – NFL quarterback and anti-vaxxer Jay Cutler has found himself in quite a bind in light of the FDA announcing a new vaccine today that protects against the risk of pick-sixes. The current Bears QB has been plagued by pick-sixes throughout his career and being vaccinated against them would be especially helpful to his career at a time in which the Bears are shopping him around the league.
“Obviously, if Jay no longer was prone to horrific interceptions, we could get a lot more in return for him,” said a Bears front office source. “In fact, we might even be interested in keeping him here in Chicago.”
The Pick-6 vaccine was developed by researches in New York who happen to be diehard Jets fans. A biological agent injected into the bloodstream opens decision-making pathways in the brain that have been found to be closed or blocked in most horrible quarterbacks. The vaccine was tested on Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick in 2015, and then he played without a pick-6 shot in 2016 to disastrous results.
Now Cutler, who has supported his wife’s refusal to get their children vaccinated, must decide how dedicated he is to the anti-vaccine movement.
“I’m not sure if Jay cares enough about football to get vaccinated,” said a teammate. “On the other hand, I’m not sure if he cares enough about vaccines to not get it. He basically just doesn’t care.”