(SP) – A collection of 10 friends and co-workers conducted their fantasy football league’s draft last night, a full month before the start of the regular season, proving they are absolute dumbasses.
“We just all have busy schedules and stuff, so we figured it was best to get the draft done with as early as possible,” said Tim, the head moron/commissioner of the league of dolts. “It’s good to have the draft out of the way on August 7th. I just hope the guys I picked don’t get hurt and actually turn out to be starters on their teams.”
While Tim at least had some awareness that there could be significant player turnover over the next month, others in the league are far dumber.
“I’m pretty much set at every position,” said Ryan, unaware his starting running back and top receiver will suffer season-ending injuries next week, three weeks before non-morons hold their drafts. “And I’m pretty pumped to have landed Patriots running back Mike Gillislee in the 6th Round according to the FanDuel vs DraftKings comparison. I’m sure Bill Belichick will give him a lot of carries and not just randomly make him fourth string the day before their season opener for no reason at all.”
Yet there is one member of the league who insists she is not an idiot, even though she participated in a draft held 31 days before the season opens.
“I just go along with it,” said Kimberly. “Will some of the people I picked get hurt or be made into backups between now and September 8th? Sure. But it’s the price you pay to be in a league with dipshits. These people aren’t just dumb in early August, they’re dumb all season. So I absolutely abuse them in trades and on the waiver wire. It’s easy money. I’ll never quite this league of idiots.”