(SP) – San Antonio Spurs forward Manu Ginobili is the face of a new line of Gatorade drinks designed for the dead and dying: Gatorade Embalming Fluid.
“Gatorade’s new Embalming Fluid drinks are designed for those with rigor mortis who still want to stay lithe and active,” said a release from the brand announcing a partnership with the Spurs player. “Manu is old as hell and looks like death, but still gets the job done on the court game in and game out. He is who every dead person wants to be. He is Gatorade Embalming Fluid.”
The bald, gaunt, 39-year old Ginobili has experienced a rebirth this postseason with the Spurs, dunking and blocking shots and he says Gatorade Embalming Fluid has a lot to do with that.
“At my age, sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed or the coffin, as the case may be,” he said. “But Gatorade Embalming Fluid makes me feel young and almost alive again. The electrolytes keep me hydrated and the formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde and methanol keep me from smelling like rotting flesh.”
Gatorade Embalming Fluid comes in four flavors: caramels, hard candy and black licorice.