Gonzaga: This is the first time you’ve filled out a tournament bracket.

Villanova: You have had dreams of Jay Wright delivering your bracket winnings to you as he emerges bare-chested from a swimming pool.

Duke: You were all in on Trump as soon as he promised tax cuts.

Kansas: One of the main things you know about basketball is that it’s not football.

North Carolina: You think Tar Heels players will be very motivated to earn three credits for Net Cutting.

Arizona: You feel that the best coaches sweat until you can see their nipples.

Kentucky: You think this is the best freshmen class the sport of college basketball has seen since all of the other Kentucky freshmen classes.

N. Kentucky: You did not read your bracket very closely.

Louisville: Your hunch is that if strippers helped Tiger Woods win when it mattered, they can do it for college basketball players, too.

Baylor: You’ve given up all hope for the world and just assume the Baylor athletic department will keep up the streak of awful people winning things.

Notre Dame: You hope the Irish having a good NCAA Tournament will distract people from the fact that Notre Dame went 4-8 in football.

Northwestern: You are sports media professional who went to Northwestern and thinking the Wildcats could go all the way is your new dumbest hot take in a career full of them.

UCLA: You think you could beat Michael Jordan one-on-one.

 

Also see … HONEST Headlines: NCAA Tournament

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