QB – Kevin Hogan, Browns – 16-for-19, 194 yards, 2 TD, INT, 30 rushing yards

Chances are that when you woke up Sunday morning, you didn’t think to put Cleveland’s backup quarterback in your roster. Hopefully this will teach you to not make that mistake again.

RB – Aaron Jones, Packers – 134 total yards, TD

Aaron Rodgers is a great fantasy player for the Packers, so there was every reason to think another Aaron would be, too. Learn about something called precedence, idiot.

RB – Marlon Mack, Colts – 93 total yards, TD

Smart fantasy players knew that eventually Frank Gore would pass away due to general oldness, handing the job to Mack. Apparently you’re not a smart fantasy player.

WR – Nelson Agholor, Eagles – 4 catches, 93 yards, TD

Agholor had a nice game in Week 1 and did pretty much nothing since until Sunday. That’s the classic Week 1/Week 5 production pattern of all receiving greats. Real football fans know that.

WR – Cole Beasley, Cowboys – 4 catches, 23 yards, 2 TD

Let me guess: you didn’t play Beasley this week? I think I know why. RACIST.

TE – Darren Fells, Lions – 2 catches, 24 yards, 2 TD

Let me guess: you didn’t play Fells this week? I think I know why. RACIST.

Flex – Charcandrick West, Chiefs – 13 total yards, 2 TD

Fairly certain this is a made up name.

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