(SP) – The New England Patriots will reportedly end the life of their longtime tight end Lennie Small after he brutally injured an opposing player during the team’s game on Sunday against the Buffalo Bills.

“He is a simple man who doesn’t understand his own strength,” said Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. “He didn’t mean to hurt that guy. But now the league is coming for him. They’re going to suspend him. None of us want to see that happen to Gronk. We must take the more humane approach here.”

Brady then sat down behind his teammate near a stream by the team’s practice field as a Patriots staffer walked towards them with the news of Gronk’s suspension.

“Go on,” said Lennie. “How’s it gonna be. We gonna get another title.”

“We’ll have a trophy,” said Brady. “An’ we’ll have maybe a parade and rings … an’ in the stadium we’ll have a… little banner.”

“For our teammates,” Lennie shouted.

“For our teammates,” Brady repeated.

“And I get to talk to the teammates.”

“An’ you get to talk to the teammates.”

Lennie giggled with happiness.

“An’ score TDs. TDs nuts!”


Lennie turned his head.

“No, Lennie. Look down there across the practice field, like you can almost see the place.”

Lennie obeyed him. Brady looked down at the football.

There were crashing footsteps in the brush now. Brady turned and looked toward them.

“Go on, Tom. When we gonna do it?”

“Gonna do it soon.”

“Me an’ you.”

“You… an’ me. Ever’body gonna be nice to you. Ain’t gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna suspend you nor steal from ’em.”

Lennie said, “I thought you was mad at me, Tom.”

“No,” said Brady. “No, Lennie. I ain’t mad. I never been mad, an’ I ain’t now. That’s a thing I want ya to know.”

The voices came close now. Brady raised the football and listened to the

Lennie begged, “Le’s do it now. Le’s get that place now.”

“Sure, right now. I gotta. We gotta.”

Brady then threw the football with all his might off of Lennie’s head. The tight end’s body crumpled to the ground.