(SP) – A major breakthrough towards peace may be at hand after warring factions throughout the Middle East have agreed to sit down at the bargaining table in good faith after the United States threatened to send Skip Bayless to the region to debate their issues.
“I think we all know that we are staring into the precipice,” said Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu. “As bad as things have been over the years, we’ve never faced this kind of horror. It’s time to work together before it’s too late.”
Iraqi prime minister Haider al-Abadi says he has spoken to other leaders in the region and they unanimously agree that the deployment of the FS1 personality is the “nuclear option.”
“The old nuclear option was, of course, nuclear weapons and mutually assured destruction,” he said. “But the threat of Bayless is much worse than nuclear warfare. I don’t follow American sports or U.S. media, yet this man’s awful reputation is known even here. We must not inflict him on our people.”
U.S. president Donald Trump announced he was considering sending Bayless to the Middle East this morning after browsing through the Fox family of networks and settling on Bayless’ “Undisputed” show.
“Skip Bayless is a highly respected man who is proven to be one of the world’s great debaters,” said the president. “And if you can debate, you can negotiate. I really liked what he said about how LeBron James is terrible and retire. That’s the kind of tough talk some folks in the Middle East need to hear.”