(SP) – The Texas State Legislature held an emergency session this morning to draft legislation that would ban the sport of tackle football beyond the high school level.
“Enough is enough. The good people of Texas are repeatedly tormented by Texas, Texas A&M and Baylor and, on the professional level, the Cowboys and Texans,” said House speaker Joe Straus. “Today we move to protect the citizens of Texas and focus solely on high school football, which gives our people so much joy every Friday night.”
The bipartisan move to ban higher levels of football comes in the wake of Texas being crushed at home by Maryland, Baylor losing to lowly Liberty, and Texas A&M somehow blowing a 44-10 third quarter lead to lose to UCLA — all in the opening weekend of the season. Meanwhile, the Texans are set to open yet another season with a below-average starting quarterback and the Cowboys, decades since reaching a Super Bowl, will be without star running back Ezekiel Elliott.
Texas governor Greg Abbott said he fully supports the legislation and will sign it when it crosses his desk.
“Texans are not ones to give up the fight,” said the governor. “But we also know there’s no shame in admitting defeat. Today we admit defeat. We will not let other teams run up the score on us, like college teams do so easily on our defenses.”
Rep. Chris Turner, chair of the Democratic Caucus, said the bill is proof that government can still work for the people.
“When both sides come together, good things can happen,” said Turner. “Anything is possible, except beating Maryland at football, of course. The Terps are just too good.”