(SP) – The Philadelphia 76ers have clinched a spot in the playoffs for the first time since the 2011-2012 season, this according to the full season former Sixers general manager Sam Hinkie is currently playing on NBA 2K17.
“This is exactly how I envisioned things would start coming together when I built this team,” Hinkie said at 2:25 a.m. this morning, dressed in sweat pants and a Hanes undershirt while lounging on his sofa drinking a celebratory can of Coors Light. “I just wish the real Sixers would have trusted the process to this point. My franchise is really looking good and I think we’ll be legit contenders in the East within the next two years.”
Hinkie resigned from the Sixers last April after his plan for the franchise was scrapped by team management, but he has been able to see it come to fruition on his PlayStation 4 in his basement.
“I don’t think there’s a better young duo in basketball in Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons,” said Hinkie of the duo that has averaged 44 points, 16 rebounds and 12 assists between them this season for the 49-16 virtual Sixers, but have yet to play in a game together for the real 23-42 Sixers. “And then you throw in Dario Saric, a great, young defender in Nerlens Noel and Jahlil Okafor providing some low post offense off the bench and, well … let’s just say I’m pretty excited for NBA 2K18 to come out.”
Hinkie says he texted several NBA team owners screenshots of his playoffs-clinching win, along with the message: “I built this. Did it on the Superstar level, too. Call me when you want to build a winner, too.”
So far he has not received any responses, but Hinkie believes that will change.
“I have written a 13-page manifesto detailing the success of my NBA 2k season an how it was based on analytics and long-term planning,” said the unemployed basketball executive. “On Monday it will be mailed to every executive in the NBA and they will read it and finally acknowledge my genius. Trusting the process shall become the rule of the entire league. You’ll see. YOU’LL ALL SEE!”