(SP) – New York Mets pitcher Matt Harvey is reportedly despondent over the fact that team mascots Mr. and Mrs. Met are still together, telling teammates that he thought he had something special with the female version of the stuffed baseball creature.
“She was always so encouraging to me and she would give me hugs and tell me I’m great,” said Harvey. “I thought she really liked me. And then I see her out on the field with Mr. Met and their little baseball kids acting like nothing happened. I’m tired of being lied to by women.”
Harvey recently went on a bender after model Adriana Lima, who the pitcher briefly dated, reunited with NFL player Julian Edelman and then unfollowed the Met on Instagram. But being turned down by Mrs. Met hurt him far worse.
“Look, I want to settle down some day like everyone and I really thought Mrs. Met could be the one,” said Harvey. “She shares my interests. She loves baseball and the Mets. She’s always enthusiastic. And, while she may not be a quote-unquote traditional beauty, she hasn’t aged a day in years. I loved her. I do love her.”
Mrs. Met refused to comment on this story, firing a t-shirt cannon at a reporter who asked her a follow-up question.