(SP) – Competitive eater Joey Chestnut has followed his latest Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest championship with another World Diarrhea-Making Championship just past midnight this morning, filling 4 1/3 toilet bowls with liquid feces. Chestnut has won the diarrhea title after each of his previous hot dog wins.
“It’s basically the circle of competitive eating life: you eat a ton of terrible food and then you expel a ton of terrible food,” said Chestnut, who added that his “anus feels like it had a blow torch taken to it.”
Sponsored by Tums, the World Diarrhea-Making Championship features the top competitive shitters from across the world and your uncle Randy. But none of the other contestants are able to fill their stomachs with as much diarrhea-fueling garbage meat and sulfites as Chestnut can.
“I drank 24 gallons of pre-made diarrhea over the past 24 hours and I still couldn’t beat Joey,” said one contestant who finished with 3 1/8 bowls. “He’s a legend in the diarrhea game.”
Chestnut said he hopes to defend his titles again next year.
“This is what God put me on this earth to do,” he said. “Fill my stomach with awful food products and then launch them from my rectum in short order — and get paid to do it. I’m blessed.”