(SP) – The insane man who you often see ranting on the street corner on your way to work continued to chant “Crosby sucks!” today, confirming his brain health may be without hope of returning.
A dozen or so people stood around him, shaking their hands as the man’s chanting occasionally stopped for him to go into angry rants about how Crosby isn’t that good and only wins because off a “vast NHL conspiracy” that allows him to “get away with murder.” After more chanting, the disturbed man then screamed about how Claude Giroux and Jonathan Toews are far superior players to Crosby.
“It’s sad to see this,” said one woman who was observing the scene. “You’d think that after the past 12 months, with two Cups and two Conn Smythes and the World Cup title that maybe this guy would move onto something else. Lizard people or something. But his brain is just too sick and diseased. If he played in the NHL, it would definitely be characterized as a serious upper body injury.”
The insane man then began hurling feces and screaming that the government had planted a chip inside his brain.
“There is a cancer inside me!” he screamed. “A cancer worse than locker room cancer Phil Kessel, who will never win a Stanley Cup!”
After several minutes of insane yelling, the man was taken a way by authorities, placed inside an FS1 van and taken to Los Angeles where he will be given his own TV show.