(SP) – The NFL’s free agency sweepstakes are underway and several big-name players have already found new homes — including a few that you hoped your team would land. But according to reports, those players are actually now bad.

“Sure, it would be nice if we got him, I guess,” you said after hearing the news of a big signing. “But I don’t think he’s worth the money they’re paying him. He’s not that good. He’s gotta be one of the most overrated players in the league and I think we have a lot of better options than him already on the roster.”

This was a vast departure from previous statement in which you told a friend that¬†player should be your team’s “No. 1 priority.”

“Ahhh, I don’t know about that. I don’t know if I said exactly that,” you now claimed, choosing to ignore a text message you wrote that said exactly that. “There are a lot of other options out there who are just as good and that we could get for less money.”

Soon after you said that, one of those players signed with a division rival.

“That guy absolutely sucks,” you reported. “I’m glad he signed with them. It makes us better. He’s a garbage player.”

Sources also claim that you will announce all the free agents that choose to leave your team as “never that good in the first place” and that you “never liked him as a player anyway,” even though you have a team jersey with that player’s name on the back.

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