(SP) – In the wake of the news that the Oakland Raiders are officially moving to Las Vegas as early as the 2018 season, the California Parole Board quickly acted to make it clear that Raiders fans will not be allowed to travel to Nevada in order to attend games there.
“Before any Raiders fans get any ideas about crossing state lines to root on their team and conduct all sorts of crimes, we decided to come out today and nip that in the bud,” parole board spokesman Gerald Patino said. “Raiders fans have one more season of weekend release and then it’s back to prison to stay.”
The news that the Raiders are leaving town was met with disappointment by the current fans in Oakland, all of whom are convicted felons.
“I haven’t been this upset until I was first given 10 to 15 years for armed robbery,” said Robert Faulk. “Then, after the news broke, I briefly thought I might be able to escape to Nevada and maybe knock off a casino, but the parole board obviously isn’t going to cooperate on that. This really sucks.”
Oakland Police were notified by team officials this afternoon before the move was announced so they could prepare for the angry fan reaction.
“You don’t want 60,000 pissed off violent felons rampaging through the streets without giving the police a heads up,” said team owner Mark Davis. “No offense, of course. We’ve appreciated the support we’ve gotten all these years from the local crime community.”
But Oakland Police chief Randall Stern said there were no serious incidents.
“Most of them are currently incarcerated because their parole period were over or they’ve been picked up on new charges,” he said. “The offseason is pretty calm around here.”