(SP) – The White House has announced that Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States, resigned from office this afternoon to accept a job as the drive time host on Sports Radio 980: The Yakker.
“President Trump has really enjoyed talking about the NFL and NASCAR in recent days,” said White House spokesman Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “He feels the best way to get out his sports takes is to go full-time into sports talk radio. The nuclear faceoff with North Korea, our wars in the Middle East and Puerto Rico being underwater were threatening to derail his opinions on standing for the national anthem at football games, and so he is stepping away from the presidency effective immediately.”
Trump’s presidency ends eight months and five days after his inauguration, or approximately seven months longer than many expected.
“I feel I was able to accomplish much for the American people in my time as president,” read a statement from Trump following his resignation. “I helped America understand that the NFL is bad and that I don’t like Stephen Curry. Also, I’m told I made a Supreme Court judge. I hope the judge is not Steph Curry and is maybe one of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Please tune into Sports Radio 980: The Yakker tomorrow for more.”
Trump will be joined on his radio show by new co-host Jay Mariotti, while Mike Pence will takeover as President of the United States.
“While I want all the players to stand for the anthem, they have a right not to,” said Pence. “However, I do think they should be fired if they kneel down in a gay way.”
Sports Radio 980’s station manager Mike Thomas says he is excited to have the former president aboard.
“We like strong takes and divisive takes that get people talking,” said Thomas. “There’s no one better than Donald at doing that. I expect huge ratings for a long time, with the added bonus of us probably not all dying in a nuclear war started via tweet now.”