QB – Jay Cutler, Dolphins – 34-for-42, 311 yards, 3 TD

Jay Cutler’s touchdowns in his previous four games were 0, 1, 2 and 2. Only a total moron didn’t see that they were building to 3. Even toddlers can figure out basic patterns, dumbass.

RB – Corey Clement, Eagles – 66 total yards, 3 TD

The Eagles traded for a new feature back this week in Jay Ajayi. Or that’s the trap idiots (like you) fell for. It was obvious they were actually going to feed the ball to rookie third-stringer Corey Clement instead.

RB -Rob Kelley, Washington – 14 carries, 18 yards, 2 TD

Rob Gronkowski, Rob Kelley …

WR – Robert Woods, Rams – 4 catches, 70 yards, 2 TD

… Robert Woods? Another pattern you failed to pick up on, like the idiot you are. All people named Rob are obviously fantasy superstars.

WR – Cole Beasley, Cowboys – 4 catches, 24 yards, 2 TD

Didn’t play him, did you? Stop judging people by the color of their skin, RACIST.

TE – Julius Thomas, Dolphins – 6 catches, 84 yards, TD

Remember when Julius Thomas had those two good seasons a while back with the Broncos? Obviously not or you would have known that he is capable of greatness and had him in your lineup every week. The last 2 1/2 seasons of total failure was obviously a fluke.

Flex – Deonte Thompson, Bills – 7 catches, 81 yards, TD

No way to see this coming. Feels like a fluke.

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