QB – Case Keenum, Vikings – 27-for-43, 288 yards, 2 TD, INT
Sure, Case Keenum has never been that great of a quarterback … in America. But there are literally, like 15 other countries, and Keenum proved on Sunday that he is more than decent in those. Maybe if you remembered there is a a whole world out there you wouldn’t suck so much at fantasy football. Open your eyes, man. There’s a big world out there for you to fail in.
RB – DeAndre Washington, Raiders – 88 total yards, TD
Oh, let me guess: you didn’t start this guy because you never heard of him? You dumbass, how often are you going to make this same mistake week after week after week?
RB – Alex Collins, Ravens – 143 total yards
“There’s not a single Ravens player you should ever start in fantasy football.” Yeah, that’s exactly what they want you to think.
WR – JuJu Smith-Schuster – 7 catches, 193 yards, TD
John Stallworth, Lynn Swann, Hines Ward, Antonio Brown. These are all Pittsburgh Steelers receiving greats. See the pattern? Yeah, the Steelers get new good receivers as the years pass and Smith-Schuster is a new receiver. It was so obvious that this would happen.
WR – Paul Richardson, Seahawks – 6 catches, 105 yards, 2 TD
Ever hear the saying “robbing Peter to pay Paul?” Of course you did, because you spend your time learning stupid sayings instead of learning about under-the-radar receiver greats like Paul Richardson.
TE – Eric Tomlinson, Jets – 1 catch, 20 yards, TD
This was the Eric Tomlinson breakout game that some possibly predicted. And you missed the boat, dipshit.
Flex – Robbie Anderson, Jets – 6 catches, 104 yards, TD
Sure, it was assumed that either Eric Tomlison or Robbie Anderson would have big games for the Jets this week. But not both. Tough break. No way to have known this. No shame here.