QB – Carson Palmer, Cardinals – 18-for-22, 283 yards, 3 TD, INT

Everyone knows USC quarterbacks always start to reach their potential in Week 6 of their 14th year. Well, everyone but you, apparently.

RB – Adrian Peterson, Cardinals – 26 carries, 134 yards, 2 TD

Who doesn’t start Adrian Peterson in fantasy football? What are you, some kind of moron? So what if he hasn’t done anything in two years?! That’s the problem with this generation today. If it didn’t happen yesterday, it doesn’t exist to them. Sad! Just like their fantasy teams!

RB – Chris Ivory, Jaguars – 77 total yards, TD

Why play the backup running back to one of the best backs in the league? Because maybe Ivory is the second best back in the league. Ever think of that while failing at everything you do?

WR – Marvin Jones, Jr., Lions – 6 catches, 96 yards, TD

Yes, he sounds like a fake name put in an unlicensed video game. SO OF COURSE HE PUTS UP VIDEO GAME NUMBERS, too! Duh.

WR – Aldrick Robinson, Falcons – 2 catches, 66 yards, TD

Have you heard how Matt Ryan and Julio Jones aren’t clicking this year? It’s because this person called Aldrick Robinson is obviously the hot, new receiver in Atlanta. Way to miss the boat, dumbass.

TE – Dion Sims, Bears – 2 catches, 42 yards, TD

Show me the person who predicted this rando would have a big fantasy game on Sunday and I’ll show you a liar. There was no way to predict this.

Flex – Orleans Darkwa, Giants – 130 total yards

Show me the person who predicted this rando would have a big fantasy game on Sunday and I’ll show you someone who isn’t you because you blew it again, idiot.

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