(SP) – Roy Moore, the Republican candidate for U.S. Senate from the state of Alabama, sought to ease any concerns voters in the state have about the many allegations against him related to teenage girls, reminding a crowd in Tuscaloosa today that almost all of the highly sought after recruits brought in by the beloved Alabama Crimson Tide share his intense attraction to teenage girls.
“The mainstream media and the powers that be in Washington are so intent on tarnishing my reputation, but when they do that — when they say it’s wrong to want to take a 16-year old girl on a date to the mall — they’re also attacking Alabama’s great class of four and five-star recruits, many of whom are attracted to the very same teenage girls I am,” said Moore at a rally today. “And I know if there’s one thing Alabamans won’t stand for, it’s outsiders talking bad about their football players.”
Moore said he has had the pleasure of meeting many of Alabama’s recruits over the years, usually while scoping out the same girls near the Auntie Anne’s pretzel kiosk across from the Hollister.
“I’ve learned a lot from these honorable young men over the years,” said Moore. “For example, I shouldn’t wear my Class of 1965 ring when talking to girls because they might find it off-putting.”
Moore then got his biggest applause of the campaign event when he implored the crowd to give a huge cheer for the Crimson Tide as they prepare for college football playoff.
“Let’s hear it for Alabama football!” he said. And then adding while the crowd drowned him out: “The best thing about this state outside of the pretty 14-year old girls!”