(SP) – Greg Schiano has informed Tennessee administrators that he is no longer interested in the Volunteers head football coach job after discovering the program’s ties to losing football.

Schiano received an an offer memo from Tennessee on Sunday, but negotiations quickly fell apart after Schiano became aware of information about the Volunteers being awful at football for most of the 21st century.

“I appreciate the interest from Tennessee, but there it just too much baggage there,” said Schiano. “I’ve been the head coach at Rutgers and led the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but even I have standards. I just can’t be associated with a team of such low quality.”

Despite turning the Tennessee job down, Schiano said he is still open to other jobs.

“I’m happy being defensive coordinator for Ohio State,” said Schiano. “But if there’s a better job than Tennessee, I’d be happy to listen. For instance, I’d be all about that MACtion.”

With Schiano out of the mix, Tennessee will reportedly again reach out to Gruden.

“No, not Jon Gruden,” said Tennessee athletics director John Currie. “While he originally laughed and hung up, now he has blocked our number. And even Jay Gruden turned us down. No, we’re moving onto Cooper Gruden, the little-known third Gruden brother. He’s never coached at any level, so Tennessee could be a nice lateral move for him.”

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  • Roman VFL

    I get that this is supposed to be satirical, but even the attempt at humor doesn’t hold water as you’re basing it off the fact that he might be a decent head coach, much less a decent human being. Historical evidence shows that neither of these are true. Nice try. Tennessee fans are not waking up today having second thoughts about yesterday.

    • Tonald Drump

      No have no idea what the f*** taking about. You don’t f***ing know Greg Schiano. No don’t know sh**.Schiano is better off NOT at Tennessee. Tennessee is a dumpster fire. No top coach will want to venture into that toxic environment. UT will end up with a coach who has no head coaching experience with Tee Martin and the dumpster fire will rage on.

  • thewholetruth

    Lmao haha maybe you should hire bozo the clown.Well nothing that was written was false

  • Jim Rucker

    This is SP Wire’s attempt at fake news. Why would you want to align yourself with the likes of CNN and BSNBC? Probably because you can’t compete with real news. Sad!

  • ccdaniels

    Most accurate article, even in satire, about the dumpster fire that is Knoxville. The hypocrite fan base knows more than Bill Belichick. https://www.facebook.com/NESN/videos/1785668408152157/