WASHINGTON, D.C. — It was reported today that President Trump turned down ESPN’s offer to fill out an NCAA Tournament bracket on television, a practice that began under Barack Obama’s tenure. However, the White House did announce later in the day that the president will offer a member of his cabinet to replace him.
“While the president wants to spend his energy on working for the people to make America great again, and therefore will not fill out a bracket for ESPN,” said press secretary Sean Spicer, “he has lined up a very capable fill-in to do the honors. And as basketball is more of a black thing, we are very pleased to offer future Housing and Urban Development secretary Dr. Ben Carson. He undoubtedly knows a lot about the sport.”
A spokesman for Carson said that the HUD nominee, in fact, does not follow college basketball and does not feel qualified to make bracket picks. But ten minutes later the spokesman called back and said Carson will make the selections and is honored by Trump’s confidence in him: “He actually feels he knows a lot more about basketball than federal housing.”
Carson is said to be very excited to pick Johns Hopkins, the university where he worked as a neurosurgeon, to be national champions. The White House also said that former reality star Omarosa will be available to make selections for the women’s bracket.
The president briefly addressed the bracket news today with reporters, saying that “while I don’t watch a lot of basketball, I definitely appreciate the college game over the NBA. They actually try hard and play defense. The NBA is very bad and a dying league that nobody watches.”