(SP) – Big Baller Brand shoes and apparel will be eligible for sale in the massive Chinese market thanks a licensing deal reached today by LaVar Ball and the country’s government. In exchange, Ball agreed to the execution of his second son, LiAngelo, for shoplifting a pair of sunglasses.
“The vision for Big Baller Brand from the beginning was to be a global player,” said LaVar Ball. “I was never sure how LiAngelo fit into that because he is the son I love the least, but it all fell into place pretty quickly once we got to China. His execution for shoplifting will be a great moment in the history of our family and the Big Baller Brand.”
LiAngelo Ball and two other UCLA Bruins teammates were charged with shoplifting this week while on a goodwill trip to China. The charge carried possible jail time, although it did seem possible the middle Ball son and his teammates would be able to leave the country simply by paying a fine. But the patriarch of the Ball Family stepped in last night and offered up his son’s execution in exchange for a licensing deal. Chinese authorities accepted and will now allow Big Baller Brand to sell $100,000 worth of shoes and apparel in the country through the year 2019.
LaVar Ball acknowledged that many would see giving up their second born in exchange for a small and short-term licensing deal as a terrible move, but Ball said those people should “stay in their lane.”
“First of all, the China market is the place to be. Once they get a taste of Big Baller’s $500 shoes, the people will rise up and demand more,” said LaVar Ball. “Secondly, let’s not forget that LiAngelo is by far my least talented son. In fact, I think he’s only the fifth-best basketball player of all-time, with Lonzo first, LaMelo second, me third, then Michael Jordan, then LiAngelo. So I made the right deal.”
LiAngelo is set to be executed January 4th, at which time Big Baller Brand will launch the $900 LiAngelo Dead Ass 1’s.