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Derrick Rose’s Knees Not Sure How to Tell Him They’ll Never be the Same

The knees of Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose are unsure how to make it clear to their owner that he in no way should ever expect them to feel or perform the way they did when ... Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Derrick Rose Toy Requires “Leg Assembly”

Children’s toys are becoming more realistic all the time. Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Moron Thinks LeBron James is Derrick Rose

Derrick Rose hasn’t looked this healthy in a long time. Good for him. Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: No One Even Knows Who Derrick Rose is Anymore

Ridiculous. Denzel Washington has better knees. Continue Reading →
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Adidas’ New Derrick Rose Ad is Very Depressing

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PICTURE: Derrick Rose Slaps Five with a French Aristocrat Woman

Basketball and aristocracy is everything. Continue Reading →
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Derrick Rose’s Teammates Inform Him They Won’t be Playing This Year Until They Feel 110-Percent

With the 2013-2014 NBA season set to tip-off, Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose learned today that he will be taking the court for the Bulls’ opener all alone. “We, ... Continue Reading →
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EXCLUSIVE! Screen capture of Derrick Rose’s Gmail inbox

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How to Write a Sports Column About Derrick Rose

Directions: Just circle a word or phrase in each list, print it out, hand it in to a major media outlet and you'll be a published NBA columnist! You're welcome! – – ... Continue Reading →
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Derrick Rose’s United Center Statue

It’s dedicated to all those who just don’t feel mentally right some days. Continue Reading →
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Chicago Bulls’ HR Director Informs Derrick Rose That He’s Out of Personal Days

Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose will either have to start playing basketball again or will begin having his paycheck docked for missed days. This according to Mindy Trigman, ... Continue Reading →
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Derrick Rose Says He Will Return for Game 8 or the Gold Medal Round

Formerly injured Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose announced today that he feels "almost 350-percent" and plans to return to the lineup. "The guys have shown they ... Continue Reading →
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Chicago Abuzz as Derrick Rose Returns Netflix Rental

Word quickly spread today as Derrick Rose confirmed through league sources that he's returning a DVD to Netflix. Rose himself confirmed the news on his Twitter handle: "This ... Continue Reading →
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Derrick Rose Delays Return Until He is 345%, Possibly Has Severe Concussion

Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose has upped his pledge that he will return from injury when he is 110-percent to 345-percent, causing concern on the team that Rose has been suffering ... Continue Reading →
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Derrick Rose Plays with Sock Puppets

Joakim Noah is going to watch this every time he's high. Continue Reading →
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Michael Jordan Orders Charles Oakley to Cut the Brakes in Derrick Rose’s Car

The order has been given. Chicago Bulls legend Michael Jordan has reportedly told longtime friend and enforcer Charles Oakley to put an end to up-and-coming Bulls star Derrick Rose. "It's ... Continue Reading →
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Shrill Girls Sing Tribute To Derrick Rose

And this clinches the NBA MVP for Lebron James. (via Deadspin) Continue Reading →
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Oklahoma City Thunder Think Derrick Rose Is Really Good

He thinks their defense is terrible Continue Reading →