Mother Lives in Blogger’s Basement

Joan McPhail, a 48-year-old divorcee, has been living for some time in the basement of her son David, a professional sports blogger, according to published reports. “I had fallen ... Continue Reading →

Pistons Hope Construction Of New Squalor Boxes Will Increase Revenue By 50%

Officials for the Detroit Pistons and the Palace of Auburn Hills announced today the construction of 300 brand newsqualorsuites located in the general vicinity of the Pistons home arena. “We ... Continue Reading →

MLB Rules Committee Unanimously Rejects Adopting Opposable Thumbs

On the heels of turning down rules in favor of instant replay, Major League Baseball’s Rules Committee today also shot down a proposal introducing opposable thumbs to the national ... Continue Reading →

LeBron James Accidentally Cries Out KNICKS During Intercourse

During heated intercourse with longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson, Cleveland Cavaliers superstar Lebron James reportedly cried out the name KNICKS while in the throes of ecstasy. “We ... Continue Reading →

Stephen Jackson Trick-or-Treating with a Gun Again

Residents of a Burlingame, California neighborhood were exasperated to learn that Golden State Warriors guard Stephen Jackson would again take his Beretta 92FS 9MM handgun out trick ... Continue Reading →

Luxury Box Geisha Probably Should Have Laughed At That Joke

Kumi Mikoto, a 16-year-old geisha working assigned to the luxury suite level of the new Yankee Stadium, expressed deep regret on Tuesday that she did not laugh at the joke told by investment ... Continue Reading →

Drug Test More Rigorously Prepared For Than History Test

University of Florida star offensive linemen Maurice Pouncey successfully passed an NCAA-mandated test for illegal substances yesterday.The test, which required Pouncey to urinate into ... Continue Reading →

SI Pop Culture Grid Actually a Sign of the Apocalypse

The nation’s leading astrologers and numerologists today announced to reporters that Sports Illustrated’s Pop Culture grid, in which athletes are asked various playful questions ... Continue Reading →

Jesus Wins 1,989th Consecutive Barefoot Waterskiing Title

For the 1989thconsecutive year, Jesus H. Christ of Bethlehem dominated the field at the World Barefoot Waterskiing Championships, held annually in Kenosha, Wisconsin.Christ swept all ... Continue Reading →

Rush Limbaugh Attempts To Buy St. Louis Ram

Conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh submitted a formal bid today to purchase St. Louis Ram running back Steven Jackson.Officials close to the deal estimate Limbaugh’s bid at ... Continue Reading →

High School Quarterback Living Vicariously Through Alcoholic Father

East Valley High quarterback David Walker, a two-time Class AAAA state champion and consensus USA Today All-American, admitted to reporters today that most of the joy in his life is ... Continue Reading →

The Best Thing About October Is That You Cannot Script It! — By Tim McCarver

Hey there, baseball fans!It’s just about October, and if you’re like me, you are EXCITED.That means the World Series is going to be played soon.There are other months, like ... Continue Reading →

$20 Home Passes Allow Fans To See Cowboys Stadium At Home

After selling more than 30,000 “Party Passes” for $29 to help set the NFL’s single-game attendance record on opening night, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announced ... Continue Reading →