http://www.sportspickle.com July 16 Issue of SportsPickle.com en-us Copyright 2006 DJ Gallo/SportsPickle.com http://backend.userland.com/rss webmaster@sportspickle.com (Adam Reisinger) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT Former Green Bay Packers starting quarterback Don Majkowski has entered in a bitter dispute with his former organization, admitting he is "guilty of retiring too early" 12 years ago, while demanding he be reinstated as the team's starter or given the opportunity to play elsewhere. http://sportspickle.com/features/volume7/2008-0716-majkowski.html Former Green Bay Packers starting quarterback Don Majkowski has entered in a bitter dispute with his former organization, admitting he is "guilty of retiring too early" 12 years ago, while demanding he be reinstated as the team's starter or given the opportunity to play elsewhere. "I was mentally drained after the 1996 season," says Majkowski. "I couldn't commit myself fully at that time to coming back, so I stepped away. That's the kind of guy I am. I have to be able to promise that I'm going to give my all." But before long, Majkowski started to have second thoughts. "I guess it was nine or 10 years later, I called up Packers GM Ted Thompson and told him I was thinking of coming back. That would have been 2005 or 2006, I guess," said Majkowski. "But he just sighed and said it was too late. That the team had moved on to Brett Favre and had even drafted this Aaron Rodgers kid to follow in place of Favre. I couldn't believe he wasn't even open to considering my return after all I've done for the franchise." Majkowski played six seasons in Green Bay from 1987 to 1992, earning the beloved nickname "Majik Man," and leading the league in yards, completions and attempts in 1989, which earned him a Pro Bowl nod at age 25. He also was inducted into the team's Hall of Fame. But despite all of that, not even two full decades after Majkowski left the team the Packers says they are committed to Rodgers. So the Majik Man felt he had to go public, share his side of the story and make his case to his dedicated fans in Green Bay. "Nothing against Aaron, I feel a little bit sorry for the position I have put him in," says Majkowski, "I do. But I threw for 4,318 yards in 1989. That was only 19 years ago. Aaron has never accomplished anything like that at this level. This team can be something special and we need the veteran presence I can provide." While the Packers insist they have no interest in brining Majkowski back, he says he may just show up at training camp later this month to call their "bluff." "It's going to be a circus there already as it is," he said. "And if I show, do you really think they won't hand the team back over to me? I am Don freaking Majkowski. There wasn't a girl in all of Northern Wisconsin who wouldn't remove her tight-rolled jeans for me back in the late '80s. I don't think they can afford the negative fan reaction that would come from dumping me," he added, pointing to fan protest outside Lambeau Field on Sunday that boasted numbers in the single digits, including his immediate family. And if showing up at Packers camp doesn't work, Majkowski says he will show up at the camps of the other 31 NFL teams to call their "bluffs," too. "None of them say they want me back either," he said. "Well, I am very persistent. I will cause a circus at camp after camp until someone gives me a shot." info@sportspickle.com (DJ Gallo) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT A lifelong, diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan was rushed to a city hospital this afternoon after bleeding black and gold out of a superficial wound received in a minor car accident. http://sportspickle.com/features/volume7/2008-0716-steelers.html A lifelong, diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan was rushed to a city hospital this afternoon after bleeding black and gold out of a superficial wound received in a minor car accident. "Woooo! Woooo! I fÑking told you! I fÑking told everyone," the man, whose identity has been concealed, yelled at the sight of his blood. "Black and gold, baby! Black and gold! Steelers for life! Here we go, Steelers, here we go! Woooo!" While the fan was in no way alarmed by the black and gold spilling out of his veins - in fact, he claims he would have been surprised if red or any other colors came out - the doctor assigned to the patient admits his concern. "I have never seen anything like this in 30 years in medicine," said Dr. Peter Radzovich. "Granted, I am new to the area. Some of the nurses have told me that people regularly bleed black and gold around here. But if I trusted nurses on everything, we would have a lot of dead people. They think everyone just needs an IV, some ibuprofen and a few hours of 1970s Steelers highlight tapes." Dr. Radzovich says he is developing a working theory on the man's condition, but one that in no way lessens his concern. "I think the gold might be pus from an infection. And the black is likely bile," he said. "But that's not a good thing, of course. How have such quantities of pus and bile seeped into his veins? It worries me. Furthermore, I don't understand why the liquids aren't mixing together to form a single, brownish liquid. He is bleeding a distinct black and a distinct gold, side by side." Despite the peculiar condition, Dr. Radzovich says his client remains in good spirits. "Oh, yeah. He's happy as can be," said the doctor. "I just wish his friends would stop waving their Terrible Towels when they visit him in his hospital room. For some reason, that quickens his pulse and increases the amount of black and gold coursing through his veins." info@sportspickle.com (DJ Gallo) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT New Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick was given a candid lay of the land in South Bend today as the school's board of directors informed him that the giant, white elephant in the room is both literally and figuratively Charlie Weis. http://sportspickle.com/features/volume7/2008-0716-weis.html New Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick was given a candid lay of the land in South Bend today as the school's board of directors informed him that the giant, white elephant in the room is both literally and figuratively Charlie Weis. "That was good to know, because when I arrived at the press conference to announce my hiring, I was wondering what a massive elephant was doing there," said Swarbrick. "I thought they were going to have some sort of parade to celebrate the hiring or maybe it was a Notre Dame mascot I didn't know about. It seemed strange." Swarbrick only got more uncomfortable when the beast spit a huge plume of liquid across the room and then sat on a chair, crushing it instantly. "After it loudly started to eat a potted tree that was in the back of the press room, I leaned over to our PR guy to ask him if the giant could be removed," said Swarbrick, "but right then he said: 'Let's go have you meet Coach Weis.' And he pointed at the white elephant in the room. I was in shock." Even after meeting the embattled head coach, Swarbrick wasn't sure if it was beast or man-beast. "I said hello and then he said something while continuing to eat," said Swarbrick. "It didn't really sound human. In fact, it sounded exactly like an elephant's trumpet call, if only an elephant's call could somehow have a New Jersey accent and be punctuated by the F-word. It's hard to describe." Weis' giant stature will help him do his job, says Swarbrick. "When I was considering the job, friends and colleagues throughout sports told me that the elephant in the room here was Charlie Weis," said Swarbrick. "His massive contract. His complete lack of success on the field. The trashing his 'offensive genius' label has taken both by the play at Notre Dame and the Spygate revelations. His unchecked ego. Few people here in South Bend want to talk about it, but at the same time everyone knows overcoming those issues is our only chance at success. So the fact that I can legitimately see the actual elephant in the room, wheezing away as it tries to lift itself off of its haunches, will help me remind me of the job at hand." And while Swarbrick now understands that reality, he still can barely believe it. "I'm not an idiot. I knew Weis is enormous," said Swarbrick. "But he's even bigger in person. It's like the pyramids. They look giant in photos, but then you get next to them and they dwarf the picture you had in your mind. That's how it is with Charlie. He's big and getting bigger. I guess all the stress of last season caused him to let himself go. Really, really, really, really, really let himself go. Even more so than normal." info@sportspickle.com (DJ Gallo) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT Highly-rated prep guard Mychal Winters informed Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim today that he intends to sign with the Orangemen via a soft touch to the shoulder and a telling glance. http://sportspickle.com/index.html Highly-rated prep guard Mychal Winters informed Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim today that he intends to sign with the Orangemen via a soft touch to the shoulder and a telling glance. "We would have preferred a verbal commitment to a non-verbal commitment," said Boeheim, "but Mychal is a special, unorthodox kind of player and he is unorthodox off the court, too." While Winters' non-verbal disappointed many of the coaches pursuing him, others were encouraged. "That's how Boehem interpreted his non-verbals - as a commitment to Syrcause?" said UCLA head coach Ben Howland. "I didn't get that at all. The way he tilted his head and the look he had in his eyes, I totally took it to mean that he was turning down Syracuse, not commiting to them. I could be wrong, but I think he is still in play. I will wait to hear his decision come out of his mouth or, if he prefers, via interpretive dance." info@sportspickle.com (DJ Gallo) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT Although Irishman Padraig Harrington comes to Royal Barkdale this week as the defending British Open champion, Open officials decided against taking steps to Padraig-proof the historic course. http://sportspickle.com/index.html Although Irishman Padraig Harrington comes to Royal Barkdale this week as the defending British Open champion, Open officials decided against taking steps to Padraig-proof the historic course. "He's only won one major," said course superintendent Roger Flaherty. "It's not like he's a big threat. We considered changing the course a little bit, maybe adding a bunker here or there around the distance of his average drive, but then we decided that Padraig usually does a good job of Padraig-proofing by himself. He's quite inconsistent." Harrington said he is glad Royal Birkdale didn't take the measures many courses do toughen courses for Tiger Woods. "I am happy to hear there will be no proofing of any kind this week," he said. "I think what people don't realize is that when courses are Tiger-proofed it makes it that much harder for everyone else. It's not like longer holes and tons of rough gives the rest of us an advantage, you know? However, if anyone ever wants to Padraig-proof a course, I think it would be cool to add one of those lighthouses in front of a cup. Those things always kill me in mini golf." info@sportspickle.com (DJ Gallo) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT As maple bats continue to shatter, sending sharp, wooden shards flying through the air at players, umpires and fans, baseball bat manufactures have promised to take steps to increase safety. http://sportspickle.com/index.html As maple bats continue to shatter, sending sharp, wooden shards flying through the air at players, umpires and fans, baseball bat manufactures have promised to take steps to increase safety. "I have been hit with shards of maple bats several times this season," says Cubs third baseman Aramis Ramirez. "It was scary and potentially dangerous. But it was also rather delicious to have syrup sprayed all over me. For the rest of the game I passed the time by eating it off my finger. Mmm-mmm good." Louisville Slugger CEO Jeff Manson says the company will weight the benefits and dangers of maple bats. "If we completely drain the syrup in the manufacturing process, thereby making the bats harder and more stable, we will definitely please our workers - all the syrup they can eat in the lunch room for pancakes, waffles and French toast!" he said. "But what about our customers? Will they be willing to trade sugary goodness for safety? We can't know. It's a very stressful time in the bat industry." info@sportspickle.com (DJ Gallo) Wed, 16 July 2008 00:00:00 EDT