With the U.S. economy stumbling toward recession, more and more Americans are feeling caught in the economic pinch. Athletes included.

            “The cost of everything is going up,” says Titans cornerback Pacman Jones. “I can’t afford to keep financing by 11-man posse. I cut it down to eight, and three of the positions I outsourced to India.”

            Jones’ posse now includes Tyrell, Slim, Nate, Little Man, Snoop, Charanjit, Harish, and Nandakumar.

            “Charanjit, Harish and Nandakumar barely speak motherf—king English,” said Jones. “They’re a waste of posse. I should downsize they ass, too.”

            Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart has faced similar tough economic decisions.

            “So I was doing this college skank the other night, and she was like: ‘You gonna use a condom?’” says Leinart. “And I was like: ‘No, you skank. The economy sucks. I can’t afford condoms. You’re taking it au naturale or I’m going to do your fat roommate instead.’ And the slut totally bought it, the moron.”

            Leinart says he has also had to cut back on his alcohol choices.

            “When I went out, I used to buy girls drinks made with top-shelf liquor,” he said. “Not anymore. They’re getting drinks made with crap out of squeezy plastic bottles. It’s all cool, though. That stuff gets them drunk faster and sometimes even makes them pass out ... which is all good, if you know what I’m sayin’, yo.”

            While athletes are feeling the economic woes, it’s worse for the posse members affected.

            “I was in Stephon Marbury’s posse for seven years,” says Tony Jackson. “Seven long years. We were tight. He even used to let me get seconds on some of the Knicks’ interns. And then two weeks ago, he was like: ‘Sorry, I’m cutting you loose.’ Now I’ve got no home, no job ... I can’t even afford those crappy $15 Marbury sneakers. I’m ruined.”

            But Marbury says the move was for the best.

            “Tony did good work for me, but I can get cheaper posse members overseas,” says Marbury. “I got this one Indian dude now named Ganesh. He’s teaching me all this Kama Sutra sh-t. Our interns aren’t going to know what hit them.”