In light of the news that two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after having sex with each other in a nightclub bathroom over the weekend, the Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders have challenged Carolina’s TopCats to a pay-per-view “Skank-Off” with the hopes of regaining their reputation as the NFL’s skankiest cheer squad.

            “We’ve worked very hard over the years to build our reputation as dirty, skanky slut-bags,” said Heather Thompson, captain of the Eagles cheerleaders. “We’re not going to let our place be taken by some Slutty-come-latelies who happened to do each other one time in some Tampa nightclub bathroom, get caught, and then become celebrities for it. We’ve been having sex with each other in bar bathrooms for years. In fact, we have tons of pictures and will put them on our website. The difference is that we don’t get arrested for doing it like some amateurs.”

            The Eagles cheerleaders issued a formal challenge in writing to the Panthers squad Monday afternoon. The proposed Skank-Off would be held next month on pay-per-view, with the two teams competing in dozens of skanktastic activities – from oil wrestling to gang-banging – with viewers being able to vote on an official competition website for the winner: www.EaglesPanthersSkankOff.com.

            But it appears the Panthers squad will not accept the offer of a televised Skank-Off, being that yesterday they fired the two cheerleaders who were arrested.

            Eagles cheer captain Thompson said she is not surprised that the TopCats are not up to the challenge, but she had been hopeful her teammates would have the opportunity to prove once-and-for-all that they are truly the skankiest cheerleaders ever.

            “If they’re not skanky enough to bring the skank like we bring the skank, so be it. We’re not surprised,” said Thompson. “We’re just going to keep doing what we do. And that’s posing half-naked on our website and in our calendars and pulling our skimpy little cheer shorts way up into our vulvas. That’s what we do. That’s who we are. And to take it one step further, we’re going to put a hole in our locker room wall so the Eagles players can watch us changing and making out like they used to at the Vet. Plus, we’re going to hire those two now-unemployed Panthers cheerleaders because they’ve shown they have that special something that qualifies one to be an Eagles cheerleader. That special something being, of course, skankiness.”