Short play: "The Charlie Weis Exit Interview"

Scene: The office of Notre Dame director of athletics Jack Swarbrick. There is a knock at the door.
– – – –
Swarbrick: Yes. Come in.
(Charlie Weis enters.)
Swarbrick: Come on in. Take a seat.
(Weis sits down.)
Swarbrick: Well, Charlie, I think you know why you're here.
Weis: I do.
Swarbrick: 6-5. It's just not good enough at Notre Dame.
Weis: No, it is not.
Swarbrick: But … I'm willing to hear you out on why you should keep your job. You have helped the program in some ways. Recruiting, for example. Jimmy Clausen has developed nicely. So, let me hear your pitch. Why should you keep your job?
Weis: I've got nothing.
Swarbrick: Okay, then. Well, I guess you're fired.
Weis: I can't argue with that. I'll see myself out.
(Weis gets up to leave.)
Weis: Oh! One quick thing.
Swarbrick: You thought of a reason?
Weis: Ha! No. Where can I get that $15 million severance check?
Swarbrick: At the front desk on your way out.
Weis: Sweet. Also, even though I'm going to have all that money, as you've probably heard, I'm going to try to get back into the NFL as a coordinator. Any chance you can write me a letter of recommendation?
Swarbrick: Sure, why not. What should I write in it?
Weis: Umm …I've got nothing.
Swarbrick: Okay, then. Have a good day.
Weis: You, too.
End scene.


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